Opinions Required
Hey looks guys lets cut him a little break guys i understand you're giving him constructive criticism . But I'm sure with a few tweaks and fixes I'm sure kelmar will come up with something amazing. I mean we are all on this site as an commuinty trying to make porn toghter so why dont we just do that . Granted some of us have different Kinks and fetishes. But let's try to make every game the best possible game we can come up with as a Team!!!! 
My guy...love the positivity!JINXED wrote: ↑Thu Mar 01, 2018 9:56 amHey looks guys lets cut him a little break guys i understand you're giving him constructive criticism . But I'm sure with a few tweaks and fixes I'm sure kelmar will come up with something amazing. I mean we are all on this site as an commuinty trying to make porn toghter so why dont we just do that . Granted some of us have different Kinks and fetishes. But let's try to make every game the best possible game we can come up with as a Team!!!!
Anyways, Kel, by the summary, I mean a spoiler filled juicy hook. I see you have a list of characters, a list of sex scenes, then a general summary. I was gonna suggest combining all of that, put it right at the top, then you can list out the characters.
Something like “After months of research and experimentation, the work Justin has been doing for his project has earned him an award nomination. To blow off some steam before the show, Diamond Milf gives him a massive juggs titjob. He heads over to pick up his date, but ends up having hot sex with his date’s mother.”
I dunno, that’s bad writing on the fly, but my suggestion is to put this short hook-y summary literally right at the top of the submission. That’s all
It's still got a lot of work to do, but here's what I have so far for my re-work of SWF 4.
The game starts with Diamond Milf coming into Justin’s office looking for him. Seeing he’s not there, she takes a look around (noting how he has a bed for when he works late) and sees a pile of his research documents and decides to sneak a peek at them as he hasn’t even told her anything about it. She’s then surprised when she finds another letter amongst the papers. Soon after, Justin comes into the room and she hides it behind her back. He asks her what she’s doing, and she panics as she tries to think of something to distract him so he doesn’t find out about the letter. Justin sees the papers have been gone through and calls her out on it and DM gets an idea to play the naughty girl who’ll do anything to make it up to him. (Sex Scene 1)
The next day, Blizzard Babe, Star Bimbo and Pyro Vixen are talking while sitting around a table drinking coffee. They’re also annoyed that Justin won’t tell them anything about his project. Star Bimbo brings up that Diamond Milf told her about the Peace Keeper file, and they make a bet to see which one of them can get hold of it. Blizzard Babe and Pyro Vixen both unknowingly sneak in to try and get it at the same time. They start arguing about who got there first and who’s won their bet, but neither of them notice that Justin has come in behind them and they both get caught. After asking them what they were up to, he’s a little annoyed at them and decides to teach them a lesson. (Sex Scene 2)
The next day, Star Bimbo goes to Justin’s office and asks him if he wants to get some lunch together, but Justin calls her out on just waning to see the file. She tries to play innocent, but Justin doesn’t buy it. She then tries being more flirtatious and seduces him in order to get it. (Sex Scene 3). However even after he still says that she can’t have it and Star Bimbo apparently gives up.
A short while later, Blizzard Babe, Star Bimbo and Pyro Vixen regroup to discuss what to try next, and Star Bimbo then reveals that she actually has the file, she swapped it with a duplicate while Justin wasn’t looking. When they open the file to finally find out what Justin is working on, they just find a note that says “Nice try. I want to see the 3 of you in my office, now.” (Sex Scene 4).
SEX SCENE SUMMARY
For those of you who just look through for the sex scenes and don’t bother with the full script, here are the sex scenes. ;D
Characters:
Justin:
https://image.ibb.co/bKtifw/image.png
Rebecca Valentine / Diamond Milf:
https://image.ibb.co/coGyfw/image.png
Brittany Valentine / Blizzard Babe:
https://image.ibb.co/m4qw0w/image.png
Astrid Valentine / Star Bimbo:
https://image.ibb.co/cREOfw/image.png
Paige / Pyro Vixen:
https://image.ibb.co/jvyS7b/image.png
Sex Scene 1
Diamond Milf kneels in front of Justin and gives him a blowjob and titjob.
https://ibb.co/moDe6b
https://ibb.co/jNZmmb
Sex Scene 2
Justin lies back on his bed and Pyro Vixen sucks his cock, before Blizzard Babe rides on him.
===<PLACE HOLDER FOR IMAGE LINK>===
Sex Scene 3
Justin sits on the edge of the bed and fucks Star Bimbo while fondling one of her breasts and kissing her neck.
===<PLACE HOLDER FOR IMAGE LINK>===
Sex Scene 4
Justin has Blizzard Babe, Star Bimbo and Pyro Vixen lie on the bed and he fucks each of them in the arse.
===<PLACE HOLDER FOR IMAGE LINK>===
Short Version:
For the last few months, Justin has been working on his secret project and, much to the annoyance of his family and friends, he still refuses to tell them anything about what he’s working on. Fed up with it, some of the girls decide to find out what he’s working on. But things aren’t going to go quite as they planned.
Long Version:
Intro:
“Justin has been working on his secret project for the last few months and, much to the annoyance of his family and friends, he still refuses to tell them anything about what he’s working on. It’s gotten to the point where some of them can’t take the secrecy anymore and are prepared to try and sneak a peek at his research notes.”
Scene 1:
Scene opens on Diamond Milf standing in a large private office. It’s a large room with a big wooden desk, several book cases, a few plants and a number of documents and folders on the desk.
Rebecca Valentine / Diamond Milf:
https://image.ibb.co/coGyfw/image.png
Diamond Milf: Hello? Justin? Hm, I guess he’s not here either. Well he should be back soon. I’ll just wait for him here.
Diamond Milf: I haven’t actually been in his office all that much. This is pretty nice. He even has a bed in here? Must be for those nights when he works late. I wonder what else he has in here?
As she looks around the room, she sees the documents on his desk.
Diamond Milf: Hm? What have we here?
She picks up one of the folders.
https://ibb.co/ceAMcc
Diamond Milf: Oooh. These are his project notes. I can’t believe he won’t even tell me what he’s working on. Well, I’m sure he won’t mind if I just sneak a little peek. I am his mother after all.
“Soon after opening the folder, her snooping was interrupted when she made an unwanted discovery.”
Diamond Milf is now standing in front of the desk, holding another mysterious letter, like the one from Super Whore Family 3.
Diamond Milf: Oh my god. Another one? How is she doing this?
Soon after, Justin comes into the room. Diamond Milf spins around and hides the letter behind her back.
Justin:
https://image.ibb.co/bKtifw/image.png
Justin: Oh, hey mom. What are you doing here?
Diamond Milf: Oh, h-hey sweetie. I-I was... just looking for you.
Diamond Milf, thinking to herself: (Oh shit. Why did he come in now? I can’t let him find the letter. Oh crap, I need to think of something.)
Justin: Alright. Did you need something?
Diamond Milf: Y-yeah. I just wanted to, uh...
Justin: Wait a minute. Mom, have you been looking through my files?
Well, I'm happy that you used the old characters for this game instead of changin' them for brand new, but you could let Mother Russia, I liked that character LOLKelumir wrote: ↑Thu Mar 08, 2018 7:15 amIt's still got a lot of work to do, but here's what I have so far for my re-work of SWF 4.
The game starts with Diamond Milf coming into Justin’s office looking for him. Seeing he’s not there, she takes a look around (noting how he has a bed for when he works late) and sees a pile of his research documents and decides to sneak a peek at them as he hasn’t even told her anything about it. She’s then surprised when she finds another letter amongst the papers. Soon after, Justin comes into the room and she hides it behind her back. He asks her what she’s doing, and she panics as she tries to think of something to distract him so he doesn’t find out about the letter. Justin sees the papers have been gone through and calls her out on it and DM gets an idea to play the naughty girl who’ll do anything to make it up to him. (Sex Scene 1)
The next day, Blizzard Babe, Star Bimbo and Pyro Vixen are talking while sitting around a table drinking coffee. They’re also annoyed that Justin won’t tell them anything about his project. Star Bimbo brings up that Diamond Milf told her about the Peace Keeper file, and they make a bet to see which one of them can get hold of it. Blizzard Babe and Pyro Vixen both unknowingly sneak in to try and get it at the same time. They start arguing about who got there first and who’s won their bet, but neither of them notice that Justin has come in behind them and they both get caught. After asking them what they were up to, he’s a little annoyed at them and decides to teach them a lesson. (Sex Scene 2)
The next day, Star Bimbo goes to Justin’s office and asks him if he wants to get some lunch together, but Justin calls her out on just waning to see the file. She tries to play innocent, but Justin doesn’t buy it. She then tries being more flirtatious and seduces him in order to get it. (Sex Scene 3). However even after he still says that she can’t have it and Star Bimbo apparently gives up.
A short while later, Blizzard Babe, Star Bimbo and Pyro Vixen regroup to discuss what to try next, and Star Bimbo then reveals that she actually has the file, she swapped it with a duplicate while Justin wasn’t looking. When they open the file to finally find out what Justin is working on, they just find a note that says “Nice try. I want to see the 3 of you in my office, now.” (Sex Scene 4).
SEX SCENE SUMMARY
For those of you who just look through for the sex scenes and don’t bother with the full script, here are the sex scenes. ;D
Characters:
Justin:
https://image.ibb.co/bKtifw/image.png
Rebecca Valentine / Diamond Milf:
https://image.ibb.co/coGyfw/image.png
Brittany Valentine / Blizzard Babe:
https://image.ibb.co/m4qw0w/image.png
Astrid Valentine / Star Bimbo:
https://image.ibb.co/cREOfw/image.png
Paige / Pyro Vixen:
https://image.ibb.co/jvyS7b/image.png
Sex Scene 1
Diamond Milf kneels in front of Justin and gives him a blowjob and titjob.
https://ibb.co/moDe6b
https://ibb.co/jNZmmb
Sex Scene 2
Justin lies back on his bed and Pyro Vixen sucks his cock, before Blizzard Babe rides on him.
===<PLACE HOLDER FOR IMAGE LINK>===
Sex Scene 3
Justin sits on the edge of the bed and fucks Star Bimbo while fondling one of her breasts and kissing her neck.
===<PLACE HOLDER FOR IMAGE LINK>===
Sex Scene 4
Justin has Blizzard Babe, Star Bimbo and Pyro Vixen lie on the bed and he fucks each of them in the arse.
===<PLACE HOLDER FOR IMAGE LINK>===
Short Version:
For the last few months, Justin has been working on his secret project and, much to the annoyance of his family and friends, he still refuses to tell them anything about what he’s working on. Fed up with it, some of the girls decide to find out what he’s working on. But things aren’t going to go quite as they planned.
Long Version:
Intro:
“Justin has been working on his secret project for the last few months and, much to the annoyance of his family and friends, he still refuses to tell them anything about what he’s working on. It’s gotten to the point where some of them can’t take the secrecy anymore and are prepared to try and sneak a peek at his research notes.”
Scene 1:
Scene opens on Diamond Milf standing in a large private office. It’s a large room with a big wooden desk, several book cases, a few plants and a number of documents and folders on the desk.
Rebecca Valentine / Diamond Milf:
https://image.ibb.co/coGyfw/image.png
Diamond Milf: Hello? Justin? Hm, I guess he’s not here either. Well he should be back soon. I’ll just wait for him here.
Diamond Milf: I haven’t actually been in his office all that much. This is pretty nice. He even has a bed in here? Must be for those nights when he works late. I wonder what else he has in here?
As she looks around the room, she sees the documents on his desk.
Diamond Milf: Hm? What have we here?
She picks up one of the folders.
https://ibb.co/ceAMcc
Diamond Milf: Oooh. These are his project notes. I can’t believe he won’t even tell me what he’s working on. Well, I’m sure he won’t mind if I just sneak a little peek. I am his mother after all.
“Soon after opening the folder, her snooping was interrupted when she made an unwanted discovery.”
Diamond Milf is now standing in front of the desk, holding another mysterious letter, like the one from Super Whore Family 3.
Diamond Milf: Oh my god. Another one? How is she doing this?
Soon after, Justin comes into the room. Diamond Milf spins around and hides the letter behind her back.
Justin:
https://image.ibb.co/bKtifw/image.png
Justin: Oh, hey mom. What are you doing here?
Diamond Milf: Oh, h-hey sweetie. I-I was... just looking for you.
Diamond Milf, thinking to herself: (Oh shit. Why did he come in now? I can’t let him find the letter. Oh crap, I need to think of something.)
Justin: Alright. Did you need something?
Diamond Milf: Y-yeah. I just wanted to, uh...
Justin: Wait a minute. Mom, have you been looking through my files?
As for the scene with Star Bimbo I feel like it's the same (or very similar) to the old scenes - the one with Shadow Minx in second game and the one with Pyro Vixen in the third game.
Other than that I think it's ok, at least what you have done for now.
Well Mother Russia will certainly return one day, I'm going to find a place for her eventually.junky wrote: ↑Thu Mar 08, 2018 5:04 pmWell, I'm happy that you used the old characters for this game instead of changin' them for brand new, but you could let Mother Russia, I liked that character LOL
As for the scene with Star Bimbo I feel like it's the same (or very similar) to the old scenes - the one with Shadow Minx in second game and the one with Pyro Vixen in the third game.
Other than that I think it's ok, at least what you have done for now.
Also, the Star Bimbo scene isn't really similar to the Shadow Minx or Pyro Vixen scenes, as in those scenes it's a standing position with the girls leaning against a wall, and the Star Bimbo scene has them sitting down.
And so you can see for yourself, here are the images I'll be using for the other scenes.
The Blizzard Babe - Pyro Vixen threesome:
https://ibb.co/cq4YL7
The Star Bimbo Scene:
https://ibb.co/eVZB7n
And the Foursome at the end:
https://ibb.co/i3Xynn
The only scene I don't like is the threesome one cuz only one of the girls is getting the fun but the other gets nothing, maybe you can change it for one when one girl rides Justin while another sits on his face and gets her pussy licked?Kelumir wrote: ↑Thu Mar 08, 2018 7:21 pmWell Mother Russia will certainly return one day, I'm going to find a place for her eventually.junky wrote: ↑Thu Mar 08, 2018 5:04 pmWell, I'm happy that you used the old characters for this game instead of changin' them for brand new, but you could let Mother Russia, I liked that character LOL
As for the scene with Star Bimbo I feel like it's the same (or very similar) to the old scenes - the one with Shadow Minx in second game and the one with Pyro Vixen in the third game.
Other than that I think it's ok, at least what you have done for now.
Also, the Star Bimbo scene isn't really similar to the Shadow Minx or Pyro Vixen scenes, as in those scenes it's a standing position with the girls leaning against a wall, and the Star Bimbo scene has them sitting down.
And so you can see for yourself, here are the images I'll be using for the other scenes.
The Blizzard Babe - Pyro Vixen threesome:
https://ibb.co/cq4YL7
The Star Bimbo Scene:
https://ibb.co/eVZB7n
And the Foursome at the end:
https://ibb.co/i3Xynn
While I certainly get that, bear in mind that this is meant to be "punishment" for the girls as they broke into Justin's office and tried to steal classified information.
Yeah I know but these 2 supposed to be rivals and if Justin fucks only one it's like he chooses one of them, right?
Maybe you should add a swap button in there? or make him fuck one and then another to make it equal?
Well I included that option in the previous BB-PV threesome, so I'll include it here to.
And even that gets left out and it is like he's just choosing one of them, it doesn't really matter in the end. Heck, he's gotta marry someone right?
...
...I may have said too much.
