Dwayne wrote: ↑Thu Mar 01, 2018 3:20 am
I like the story, and I think we’re getting more familiar with the main characters with each installment.
Two general suggestions (just IMO):
- At the top, try a full summary paragraph (3-4 sentence) with sex scenes and spoilers; I feel many people are too lazy to read through full ideas, so best to hook them at the start
- See if a scene can be trimmed out somewhere to streamline the story a bit
Thanks for saying that man, I'm glad you like it at least.
And I technically already have that. I have a bit at the start that is just the characters and the sex scenes, since that’s the part I feel are the parts that most only really care about.
fcrivers wrote: ↑Thu Mar 01, 2018 12:30 am
SWF4 will only win when there are no good ideas submitted. My opinion is that after the first 2 it should have ended. you pushed a 3rd and that was god damn awful story wise (with Kosmos even changing characters) and now you want more?
Drop SW and write something new.
junky wrote: ↑Thu Mar 01, 2018 2:41 am
I have to agree with fcrivers the 3rd and 4th parts were uninteresting at all. What you're trying to do is add new characters, but doin' so you just leave the old ones apart and that's the mistake cuz if you write a serie you should keep the original characters in, specially in this serie cuz it's about super whores and not about some freak fucking more and more brand new super sluts
Yes, you’re not the first to tell me things along these lines. I’ve also been told that the idea is a bit heavy. And while I do have plenty of other ideas, I don’t want to move away from this series yet. I have been doing a little thinking and I have come up with an alternative story for part 4, though given your comments I might do a little more rethinking.
As it currently stands, the new version starts with Diamond Milf finding another letter in Justin’s office while she’s doing a little snooping about his secret project. Justin catches her, and she needs to distract him so he doesn’t find out about the letter. Which leads to the blowjob and titfuck.
After that there’s a bit where Locust gets Justin to finally ask Diana out. Turns out she has had a crush on him as well and then there’s some MnF logic that leads to the two of them getting it on.
After that, Mother Russia learns that he’s asked her out and, while she professionally respects Justin for his intelligence and his parentage, she doesn’t feel he’s good enough for her daughter. Though Justin stands up to her and then ends up nailing her with some more MnF logic.
As for the part with Whorenatrix, I figure that could work better as its own little 3-scene game.
Though given these comments, I’m considering getting rid of Diana and Mother Russia, even though I don’t want to. If I were to get rid of them, the game would be the other girls trying to sneak a look at his research and him catching and then nailing them.
